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Often I’m reminded of the fact that I don’t have the relationship I thought I’d have with my mother. The image I had in my head of what was to be of our relationship once the whole mothering thing was out of the way. The vision of a good friend who I’d run to with anything and everything, or the person I’d chit chat with about nothing at all over a cup of coffee or glass of wine after a long day. Someone who I could regularly see whenever I needed or wanted to. I guess we never got to build on our relationship after the “I hate you” phase of my teens.
Big spoiler: I never really hated her. Surprise, surprise.
But with her moving shortly after I graduated high school, I grew into adulthood with her being a plane ride away instead of a car ride away. And it was a bit different than me going off to college somewhere else since the home I knew wasn’t the home she was living in. Visiting her didn’t seem like “coming home” because her new house was never my house.
All of this doesn’t negate the fact that I love my mom. And that I love what she’s done to ensure that I’m the woman I am today. Sure, we don’t have the friendship that I see others have with their moms. And of course I can’t just drive over and drop my kids off at her home while I go out and do errands or call her for coffee whenever I please.
But I can still go to her if I need advice. And my kids will always have a grandma who loves them and will do anything for them.
Beyond “I love you” is a bond that will never truly be gone even if there’s distance between us. And as Mother’s Day approaches I’m reminded of what my mom has given me outside of a close relationship. She’s taught me to become a strong, independent woman. Who can grow and blossom as a mother myself because I had such a good role model.
She gave me the opportunity to figure things out for myself and not be dependent on her. To realize what and who I wanted to be without any outside influence. And to achieve the goals I set for myself. Or change them along the way into new goals.
And she’s showed me, perhaps without even knowing it, who I want to be as a mother to my own children.
This Mother’s Day I plan on going beyond I love you. Beyond sending flowers. Beyond a box of chocolate covered strawberries. Okay, maybe I’ll still do all of those things. But in addition to this, I plan to put pen to paper… er… card… and tell my mom how she’s helped me grow, evolve, and succeed in becoming a person I hope she’s proud of. Because I’m sure proud of who I am. And where I came from. And what I have today.
I can only hope that I’m half the mother to my children that she was to me. And that they know how much I love them, and how much I’d do for them, when they’re older. Because it’s more than I love you.
